


death, and friendship

by v__tori



Category: Ao no Exorcist | Blue Exorcist
Genre: Gen, Grief/Mourning, Non-Canonical Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-07
Updated: 2017-01-07
Packaged: 2018-09-15 10:05:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,384
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9230111
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/v__tori/pseuds/v__tori
Summary: aka my answer to "if x part of the kyoto trio died? how would the other two react?"





	

**Author's Note:**

> this all started with a “what if. koneko died” and it just went to hell from there. oops.  
> this is like. from last year or before. but i still like it so i'm posting it

~~**Konekomaru** ~~

As sick as it made him feel to think about that, his death was what brought their friendship back together. It was different, built on a different base, had a different depth, and their interactions were different, but it was there, and with it was the everlasting memory.

He remembers blood, he remembers trying to yell, but having his voice fail on him. He remembers regret, and a thousand words coming to him, but at the same time none at all. None that could express the feeling he had when his own familiar simply appeared, killed, and disappeared, leaving him with a body and nothing else. He remembers hatred. For the killer, and for himself. Caring too much despite claiming to not care at all.

He remembers standing there, empty.

And the other one? He remembers different things.

He remembers feeling angry, and thinking it was just a stupid prank and hoping that Shima would just laugh soon, and the other would pop up like nothing happened. Probably very mad at Shima, and disappointed, but alive and breathing and there. Another memory is the one of noticing that Shima sounded... hollow.

Days after, maybe weeks after, they talked. Actually talked, about everything, about themselves, and feelings of hatred. When they were finished, Shima joked about how someone so small could leave such a big hole behind. And just a simple joke was enough to make him feel like he had just been stabbed. He wasn’t mad, though. He was... as okay as he could be.

The people on school didn't talk about it. Not because they didn’t care, but because it was easier not to mention anything, to pretend they didn’t notice the pause Yukio made when he was making the role call. Shima stopped talking so much, but when he did open his mouth, he sounded the same. Said the same kind of things too, for better or for worse. Probably for the worse.

But it was okay.

They’d be okay.  
  
\--

 ** ~~Bon~~**  
  
All of it was just a big mistake. A giant, monstrous mistake that was all his fault, all due his own incompetency, and he wasn’t the one to pay the price. He’d be happy to, he would, and if it was possible to switch positions, he’d do it in an instant, no questions asked. No more regrets.

He managed to exorcise the culprit, in the end, but the red had already tainted the room, and his body couldn’t do anything else but collapse, collapse from the stress, shock and grief. He froze on the ground, staring at the wall, at the wall that was just by the body. He didn’t know how long it took for people to notice something had gone wrong and come get them, but he does know he saw genuine sadness in Shima’s eyes when he saw him again.

Quiet. That’s what he was for the rest of the day. Answering question with a nod or shake of the head, and not really making eye contact with anybody. Anybody but one person. The only one he knew would maybe be able to understand. If the person he knew his whole life was really Shima, he would understand. Even if he wasn’t, he would understand at least the smallest bit, enough for him to find comfort, something that he was lacking. And he understood. His usually expressive face had nothing to tell. He was quiet like he’d never been.

When he other stopped rambling, when he stopped shaking, Shima offered him a smile. A genuine one, one full of exhaustion. They traded a few words, mostly of them repeated.

"It’s not your fault."

"I know."

"You’re a bad liar."

"...I know."

Somehow, it made them feel a bit better.

Neither of them talked nearly as much anymore. The most noticeable was Shima, of course, because he was always the loud one. No one commented on it, afraid to bring up memories, afraid to relive it all over again. Trying to pretend it never happened was impossible, because that would mean pretend he’d never existed, that he’d never been around, and that simply was not true. It’d be outright wrong to do so.

The class supported itself. They talked to each other, made each other laugh, and were there for each other. Sometimes, it wasn’t enough, and the two got together to talk about things alone, or to just be with each other, to be with someone familiar. It made it easier.

“Regret” was one of the words that seemed to pop up the most on these days, but it was okay. It was going to be fine.

They’d continue.  
  
\--

 ** ~~Shima~~**  
  
When he first heard the news, he really thought it was a lie. Like everything about him, he thought it was a lie. A prank, maybe. He would pull that kind of prank, right? ...Right?  
Next came rage. Who? He wanted names. He wanted names so he could hunt that fucker down, and make them pay. People might say that wouldn’t be what Shima would've wanted, but no, they didn’t know him, he didn’t really know him either. No one did, so fuck it, he might as well make someone satisfied, that someone being himself. But the culprit was far gone. He couldn’t direct the rage inside him anywhere, because wherever it would go, it wouldn’t go to the right place. The one who sent him on the mission? Perhaps, but even then, it was a stretch. He wanted a defined culprit, so he could beat said culprit into nothing.

He hated it. He hated it so much, he hated knowing that his friend was killed, that he had died before he could really know him. Know his motives, know his true personality he had been hiding all this time. The memories came. Every single time he ignored him, he told him to go away, he ran away from him. Because he was angry, because he felt betrayed. Now, he’d much rather feel betrayed than to feel like this.

And he dived in the books, hoping that somehow, the passages he was studying would overwrite those feelings, that they would overwrite those memories. He shut himself in, and answered to no one. Until, of course, the other victim of this whole shitstorm came to talk to him.

Worried. Konekomaru was always worried. Worried about Bon's habit of taking all matters by himself, worried about his willingness to put himself in danger. Now, worried about how he was isolating himself.

Bon tried to argue that he was fine, that he just needed some time alone. But he knew it would be in vain from the time he opened his mouth to speak. He was a fairly bad liar, and even if he wasn’t, it would be impossible to convince Konekomaru to leave him alone. So he let him in, and let him talk. Mostly about how he was worried (which Bon knew), and how this kind of behavior was probably not really good for Bon (which Bon definitely knew). Bon kept listening, and kept quiet.

That was until silence came in, in which they stood there, each in their own thoughts. And just when Bon was starting to think the other had nothing else to say...

"I really miss him."

A punch to the gut would have hurt less. The words dug out all the feelings he had been trying to repress, all the memories he did not want to remember. He bit the inner of his cheek while he tried to think of something to say. Just when it started to hurt so much it seemed like would start bleeding, he said it.

“Me too.”

And it all spiraled on a long, complicated conversation, that in the end, probably wasn’t very interesting to hear. A lot of repeating words, a lot of redundancy, and a lot of silent moments. And it ended on an invitation to grab something to eat, and one would think said invitation wouldn’t be accepted, after all the effort Bon had made on not interacting with anyone else.

But no, he accepted, and just like that, he went out. He went out, and saw all the smiles his friends gave him, and thought that maybe, it would be alright.

Things would be alright.

**Author's Note:**

> i love killing my favorite characters
> 
> thats a lie. i dont knwo why i wrote this it made me upset


End file.
